There’s a moral of this story…it’s to trust your instinct. And to never tolerate being served an $85.00
dinner on plastic ware. But anyway, on
with the review…
Recently, it was my husband’s fantasy football draft. We were looking for a casual place to grab a
bite to eat and use free wireless for the draft. We immediately thought of Ember, a little
restaurant in our neighborhood. According
to Yelp, there’s free wireless. The menu
looked completely appropriate for bringing a laptop to dinner—wings,
sandwiches, salads, beer. There was even
a patio. It was the makings of an
enjoyable, laid back night.
When we arrived, we were promptly seated on the busy
patio. Busy is a good sign, right? But I was instantly confused. The menu was just one page of prix fixe meals
as part of Devour Downtown—not at all like the $8.75 barbecue pork sandwich I’d
already eyed up online, or the $10.50 smoked in house wings that received a few
nods on Yelp. Instead, we were looking
at $30 per person for a half portion of an appetizer, an entrée, and
dessert. When you go to Recess, you
anticipate multiple courses selected for you.
You don’t expect that at your neighborhood casual eatery. I asked the server for the regular menu and she said it wasn't offered during Devour Downtown. Immediately, I was uncomfortable. After all, I wanted a sandwich. But the draft was starting in minutes so we
needed wireless, we were hungry, and we wanted to support a local spot. We stayed.
But instinct should’ve taken over to leave.
Some background…Devour Downtown happens twice a year in
Indianapolis. Restaurants entice new
diners with special menus and discounts.
For example, St. Elmo’s offers a three-course menu for either $30 or
$40, depending on entrée selections, and it includes choices like their
signature shrimp, filet mignon, and crème brulee. If you don’t want to eat off the Devour menu,
every restaurant I’ve been to in Indy still offers the regular menu. The point of Devour Downtown is usually to
save money while trying something new.
Instead, this neighborhood spot’s menu had truly been devoured by trying
to go all fancy pants and pricey.
The appetizer selections ranged from four wings to a
salad. We both chose the wings. Outside, they had great color and inside they
were tender and moist. The doneness was
spot on, but the seasoning was weak.
They didn’t have that deep smoky flavor or a smoke ring. They needed to be spun in a dry rub or sauce
to have any kind of flavor. The peppercorn ranch
they were served with was heavy handed on the peppercorns—it had so much black
pepper it was gritty. My husband liked
the dressing, I would have preferred plain ranch.
Wings and wireless at Ember. The wrought iron table was nice and sturdy. The plastic chairs were not. Not all tables have metal chairs, some have cheap plastic chairs. The wings had a nice exterior, but no telltale pink ring of authentic smoking process or smoky flavor. The ranch is acceptable if you really like black pepper.
Our entrees came—we both ordered ribeye steaks. Mine was far from medium rare, but it wasn’t
worth sending back at that point, so I didn’t have a new steak fired. Nothing special, just a ribeye on a
plate. It could’ve used some seasoned
crust, searing on a grill, or something distinctive. The broccolini was acceptable—a little oily—but
plain broccolini. These two offerings
were pretty much what my husband is capable of making at home with a
skillet. The standout was a mashed
potato puff. It looked like a hush puppy
but was mashed potatoes rolled in breadcrumbs.
There was side of lemon aioli for dipping. The lemon aioli didn’t entirely make sense
(it was fine on the broccolini, fine on the potato) but didn’t really go with
anything in particular. I’m still not
sure if it was dipping sauce for the potato puff or meant to be something else. The potato puff was satisfyingly crunchy on
the outside and creamy on the inside. I
probably would’ve been happier if I could’ve had a few of those as an appetizer
and then gone home and made myself a sandwich.
Nothing special. Steak, some broccolini, and the potato puffs.
Evidently, this is what Ember considers "medium rare." It was tan all the way through when I cut into the steak's thickest part.
The next, and most substantial disappointment, was dessert. I chose the amaretto cheesecake. A small wedge came, served on a tiny plastic
plate. Plastic ware. Not even the thick, sturdy Chinet kind. It was heavy and gummy. My husband chose something chocolate. It was the tiniest 2x2 inch square of dessert
in history, and was hard because part of it was frozen. It was also on a flimsy black plastic plate.
Dessert--I hope you like plastic ware. Unremarkable cheesecake and brick hard, mini-square of partially frozen chocolate "something" bar. Really disappointing. This was the nail in the coffin for me being able to give this neighborhood spot any love in the future.
So there we were, we’d drafted a decent (but not as
fantastic as last year) fantasy football team, but without purchasing a single drink,
racked up an $85.00 dinner at a neighborhood sandwich spot. And eaten off plastic ware. The pain of the realization that we could’ve
gone to St. Elmo and had their Devour Downtown menu, which I guarantee would’ve
been executed spot on and not include plastic ware, hurt. I’ve never spent $85.00 on dinner and it
included plastic ware. Heck, I threw a
birthday party out on the horse farm recently and paid $.42 per plate to rent
china because people enjoy eating food off real plates.